What I Felt - Part One

After spending fourteen years of eventful and quite disturbing period in the place I called my school, I had to ultimately join some college, and for god's grace, I was let in a carefree campus, where I got more freedom than what I could ever gain from eighteen years of life. For instance, You could try a walk alone, you could go to cafe alone ,you could go to canteen alone and altogether when you are alone no one complains,no one bothers. And the best part of it, any time you can have any number and any sort of friends. Perhaps this condition was quite a very dangerous a trial for a girl like me. I had changed tremendously after I left school, perhaps more

rational thi s time, more diplomatic. There was a fall in spirits. Yet I was happy with all. You dont expect, You are happy.

Whatever change that came upon me after my school days, the best thing was that I started having cold responses on the most popular subjects of girl-girl conversations. On this, I was too much afraid of myself, as if something had seriously gone wrong with me. I didnt make much 'best friends' or friend circles, drifted away from people, no matter boy or girl. I befriend them, I like them, I enjoy with them and whenever so happens someone shows some attachment I would escape from the scene.

I didnt know why made it all up, and people naturally thought I was insincere in my relations. Perhaps I was. perhaps people took me as a joker. Perhaps they would mark me down. In any case, I cant help.

Everything went smooth until one day I had spotted a slim,short boy with a weighed down head, pacing into our canteen. No one watches him, I had found. Perhaps because he is a boy. perhaps no one bothers if a boy walks alone. perhaps no one befriend him. Or perhaps he is not friendly. Or perhaps he had a fight with his friend saying that they had not accompanied each other while moving in and out of college. Suddenly it stroke me that boys might not take "accompanying to

store" and "accompanying in class" and "accompanying to canteen" as prime objectives of

"best-friend-ship". Girls do. Perhaps with boys, it was sharing that mattered.Mine.Yours. Ours. These matters left me at the first smell of food. No thoughts remain in me for more than fifteen minutes.

In the heavily crowded and congested canteen, I had managed to find a seat. It noticed that even in canteen there are no single-seat-single-table for lonely food seekers. It was four seat-one table and eight seat-one table arrangements. No one goes to canteen alone. In an unnoticed corner four seater table was vacant and I had taken a seat for mine.The very same boy whom I had alloted ten minutes of my thoughts, at last had to satisfy with the seat opposite to this stranger girl. There are thousands of students like me in this campus, no one insists that you behave well with strangers, so for the safer part, we didnt talk to each other, nor gave any

dramatic glances. No one occupied our side seats. There were inspecting eyes from all four corners. I had decided that next time I would bring a friend from class along. I tried. Tired of trials, I decided to come alone. He too. We came alone........